hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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