Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were trust falling into bushes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
