took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A+ Viking dick
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
