Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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