I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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