At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
