If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
