And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
