I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
