HIV tests are more positive than that guy
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
