Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
