so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
