Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
