I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
