it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
