i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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