Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
