he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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