i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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