Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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