My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love having hate sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize