Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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