Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
