He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize