I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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