Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
