this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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