Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize