I wish my penis had an off switch
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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