Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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