someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
