Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
