is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
