I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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