Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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