i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
