I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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