Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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