You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
