If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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