You work out of a Hotel?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
