I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
