i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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