Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
