Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize