I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
