My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
