she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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