dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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