it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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