I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
a search helicopter?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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