I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
