I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
