Who wears a wallet chain?!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
this is an emotional support booty call
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
