So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize