On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
