Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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