Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
