Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
