"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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