Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's shark week go big or go home
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
