butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
