if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
