It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
