from now on my penis is your penis
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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