I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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