I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i came on her dog
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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