I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
