I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
