we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found the puke drawer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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