mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize