they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
