i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
