he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
