im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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