Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
