so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
