Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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