I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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