what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
