Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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