Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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