I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
