I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
