You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
