And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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