We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
These tits shall not be calmed
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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