My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
