I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
