He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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