Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
