Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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