why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
