Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
