I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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