I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize