I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
