I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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