is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
